“Trust” You Must Change Your Mind

26 10 2012

Having become a student of leadership, I recently read an article posted by my personal mentor and coach, Bill Lewis. Bill is mentored by Orrin Woodward, who received the top leadership award for 2011 from the IAB. Trust is certainly what our nation has lost. In order to restore trust, you must change your mind! I trust you will enjoy his article below.

GOD Bless

Brian

Trust

I know this subject is talked to death but it is the most important one in developing any successful relationship.  Spousal, children and business partner relationships are all forged on the anvil of trust.  If the anvil is weak then the relationships will be forged in weakness and eventually fall apart.  If the anvil is strong then the relationship will be equally strong.   Think about when someone asks you, “Do you trust that person?”  That’s a strong question because it also speaks to your ability to evaluate people.  So, what we are going to dig into is a few ways that you could be losing trust?

Becoming trusted also requires reciprocity, awillingness on both sides to enter into dialouge and conversation.  It takes time, because while trust may sometimes be forged in moments of great drama, it is more likely to be formed by many small, moment-to-moment encounters.

Kouzes and Posner in

I believe the quote you just read is implying that most people think about trust from this perception.  When a big event happens and we display our trustworthyness that that is it but there is also the day to day events where you could be losing your friends trust.  Worst yet you could be losing trust with yourself.

Is your behavior predictable or erratic?

I would guess that most people wouldn’t expect this question to determine your trustworthyness but let’s take a look.  Think about the person you know that is always erratic in how they respond, how they feel, or how they act.  It becomes hard to know how they will behave so that makes us uneasy.  Consistency of action and reaction is what makes people feel secure with us.  Let me give you a personal example.  I was erratic with my mood. I would let situations control my reactions.  Someone would call me while I was eating and I would answer the phone and I sounded like that person just spit on my sandwich. “Helloooooooo!”  I am sure my tone sounded like, “What are you calling me for.  Don’t you know I am eating.”  I am sure it sounded like that because that was what I was thinking.  The next time they called me I would be like, “Hello :) :):):):):):)”  sounding like, “I have been waiting for you to call.”  Now, after a few times of this teeter-totter that person just stopped calling.  Whether your in business, speaking to your spouse, or  talking to your kids no one feels comfortable with erratic responses.  What areas of your life are inconsistent?  The more inconsistent we are the weaker our bond will be with people.

Do you communicate clearly or carelessly?

What we are talking about here is do you make promises and then don’t keep them.  Do you do what you say you are going to do no matter what?  This one is interesting because the people that violate it the most don’t do so intentionally, however,wether they realize it or not, they are still causing the foundation of trust to crumble.  You see, when you tell people you are going to do something, be somewhere at a certain time, have something done, etc… in your mind you might have good intentions but to the other person it was a promise.  If a promise isn’t kept then the other person starts to lose trust with you in that situation.  If it happens enough times you might start to erode their overall trust.  The key here is under-promise and over deliver.  The next step is to start determining why you do this: Are you trying to feel involved, are you a people pleaser, do you over extend yourself, not plan enough, don’t have the skill to do what is being asked of you.  Whatever the reason is we need to identify and fix it before we damage relationships.

Are we forthright and candid or are we deceptive and dishonest?

Basically are you intentionally lying or are you telling the truth.  It’s shocking how easy it is to get to the point that lying seems easier then telling the truth but in the long run it creates more havoc.  I have seen people get to the point that they lie so much they believe their own lie.  This one will obviously destroy relationships.  We need to figure out why we do it.  Are we afraid of what the other person will think? Are we afraid of what we will have to face? Have we convinced ourselves that it is easier to lie then change the thing we are lying about?  Whatever it is I can guarantee you that the statement,”The truth shall set you free” is correct.  If it wasn’t the statement wouldn’t exist.

I have been very blessed to be able to associate with people like,Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady, who have shown me what it is like to totally trust someone.  Not only what they say and do but their motives as well.  I hope you are blessed to find someone who can help you establish a firm foundation of trust.

God Bless

Bill Lewis 

Advertisements

Actions

Information

3 responses

30 10 2012
Jeff Taff

BP,
Awhhh yes, trust. The 5 letter word that can make or break just about anything. Recently, I’ve come to believe in myself and my responsibility to our great country, and have seen my “trust” in myself increase dramatically. Not only does trust on the outside with one another mean everything, but I’ve recently come to understand that an inner trust, kinda like your last post called inner voice, must exist for excellence to excel. Since my inner trust just somehow “clicked” about a couple weeks ago, my wife and I have decided to pursue building the LIFE business. After listening to hours upon hours of cd’s, the system has subconsciously worked its magic and my mind has taken a shift from the money-focused left side of the quadrent, to the wealth-based right side of the quadrent. Since this change has really sunken in, and it’s taken quite a while to happen (6 months), there is NO stopping what we have the potential to do for our future. Thanks to great mentor’s such as yourself Brian, our future is no longer unclear and depressing, but a new star is shining above us in the bright sky, watching over us and guiding us toward the right path…a path chosen by God and now, we finally walk it! Thanks a million man!
-Jeff

30 10 2012
Misty Nadeau

Wow.WOW! It is like Bill wrote that article for me. Over promising is a habit that I have known for awhile that I need to break. I have a “motherly” quality where I want to help everyone and anyone anyway that I can. The more I plug in, the more I have realized that ironically it does the opposite. What ends up happening is I have too many commitments, I am overly stressed, I cannot follow through on what I said I would do, and worst of all my daughter gets what is left of me after all of it. This does lead to mistrust, and as Bill said “causing the foundation of trust to crumble”. I am excited to learn from my shortcomings and start to build a very large foundation of trust. BP this is one of the best posts I have read thus far. Thank you for sharing and thank you for continuing to be a model of leadership!
Misty

2 11 2012
Mike Gorski

BP,

I think that you picked a topic that is so rare in our modern society. It seems as though the majority of people are only out for themselves (which in most cases they really are) has put a low trust factor among the people. It gets to a point where some people put up this guard and become very selective on who they want to trust. Growing up in Chicago I am speaking from experience because my parents taught me to be careful of who I trust. However, when you do come across a individual who has gained your trust by not only talking about what he or she is going to do but actually following through with action, only then can there be a feeling of hope. What I have come to the realization of being part of the LIFE community for the past year is that there is a group of men and women who walk the walk while others simply talk the talk. Being able to be directly mentored by you BP and indirectly mentored by the Orrin and Chris and the other PC members through cds, dvds, and books has allowed me to focus on developing a strong trust factor with those that are near and dear to my heart. What I found over this past year is that I first need to put trust in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that He will guide me in my life. It is only after that trust is established can I start to improve on the trust I have with family, friends, neighbors and others. I just like to say that the LIFE community has changed my life for the better. Thanks for all of your support Brian.

Mike

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: